Monday, June 25, 2007

Now & Then

Then

Diary Entry : May 7th, 2005

Bunked work today because Blue eyed boy is on set and I’m not talking to him these days. Plus everyone thinks we’re still together so it’s such a pain. Was sitting in my balcony today realizing that the last time I’d had sex was in April. I thought about my options… there was always one opening, there always was. I had unconsciously, subliminally made sure that option existed. My mind then proceeded to moralize. I wondered if contacting old lovers was a good idea. So much baggage, so much ego, so much protocol. But Diamond boy didn’t have any of that. For starters, he wasn’t technically an old lover now was he?

There’s a thin line of course between wondering and replying to a message in the affirmative. I was still wondering minutes before he entered my house. I think I continued to wonder…wondrous oblivion really, even when we started making out while Neo kicked Agent Smiths ass in the background. Somehow if it were Frodo Baggins looking constipated, I might have thought back to an intelligent decision I once made and stopped right there. But with Keanu, I threw caution to the winds, I made risk my bedfellow…and a risky bedfellow he was!

I was seriously attracted to him for the first five minutes that we were at it. I took in the feeling of another human beings lips against mine, the tactility of another body grinding against mine. Five minutes later as my immediate need to be touched was sated, I suddenly realized that I wasn’t remotely turned on by this boy. I literally sighed as he was pulling my pants off realizing that there was a point of no return, and this was it. Plus he seemed so excited; it would be a shame to stop him. I gave into him then like a mother does to her bratty child thinking ‘this is the last time darling… really now!’.


Now

Diary Entry : May 7th, 2007

Fish’s birthday today. Fish is also very pregnant today. She talked about smells and vomiting and was generally very gross. But happy. Yes, she seemed happy.
Tall Actress made Boss and me wait at the coffee shop for an hour and then didn’t turn up, even the Cannes meeting at AA’s house didn’t happen, or I wasn’t invited, the details seem sketchy.

Switchboard in bedroom isn’t working so that means no fan or light. Got terribly scared when it didn’t come on initially thinking that Reliance had cut my connection for non payment, which reminds me have to pay frikking bill tomorrow.

I took a bus today for the first time in a long time back from a meeting in town. A cute college boy wearing an Ipod came and sat next to me. It dawned on me that I haven’t even sat next to anything I’m remotely attracted to in so long, let alone slept with anything (sorry…anyone) in a long time. So I felt quite pleased with the pretty boy’s thigh scraping mine occasionally.

[Sigh]

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