Lovers are sods. Honestly. For starters, they are only ‘lovers’ so that means facebook status will still show a dismal ‘single’ (or nothing at all as my page does to air in the mystery), and then they are not quite fuck buddies either because there is this illustrious past to live up to and they still make you all er…ah…and umm… on the phone because you get nervous. Like that isn’t bad enough, cross continent lovers are the bloody worst. When you are in the mood they are running about doing very unhorny things and either don’t reply at all to your texts or say ‘yeah same here babe’ and then when you are lost in the land of pillow drool they send supremely erotic texts that of course you always reply to because you are always up for that kind of thing yes?
Local lovers are surprisingly worse. Even though you get the IST code right, the signals are so haywire sometimes that you don’t know if the person still wants you or doesn’t or if you want him or don’t. Actually no, I always want them. The problem of course is that they’re so used to a past of naggy women who want a long term commitment and meeting mummy and lets have pinku after 8 months of marriage etc that they’re never up for anything. Though I’m starting to think that that may just be the ruse…that the problem runs deeper..
Take for example this younger friend of mine who is thinking of taking a lover. There is an older man, almost twice her age, hot as hell who desperately wants to get into her pants but apparently every time they get close to making out he cups her face and says ‘oh we must wait, we must wait’. To say the least it’s driving her mad. She absolutely has no issue with the age difference so ‘Why wont he just rip it all off and ravage me as men are fucking supposed to’ she cried out in sheer pre-menstrual frustration the other day.
Another friend of mine fearing the 15th of October as the day marking her sixth month into the dry spell, decided to take thing(s) into her own hands (hee hee) and got herself a fuck buddy. And again, while fuck buddy obviously has a lot to do (ha ha), after the first session he seems resignedly lazy. My friend has to practically badger/coax him into her eager pants. And to set the record straight this girl is a looker with loads of experience. So why is Mr Chance pe dance not running wild with his hands in the air in celebration of the truest joy known to man - a gorgeous woman who only wants sex and nothing else?
Closer home I seem to have had a one time encounter who doesn’t seem to want any more, like that isn’t offensive enough, come to think of it, I had to literally seduce him into it in the first place. Men don’t have very focused libidinal energies suddenly. Infact I’m starting to think that they are slowly but surely becoming Asexual. It’s the strangest thing really. What is happening? Are men getting moralistic or are they simply turning into women? Or is there some serious biological sexual evolution taking place? Are we headed towards a world (like in Clive Owen starrer ‘Children of Men’) where women have become infertile and we have some sort of dissolving and marginalization of the sexes? Maybe even a female domination of some sort? Don’t laugh. Don’t start picturing dominatrix role playing type S&M. I’m really serious. And really worried. It may be inconvenient. But it is a true.