There’s a funny feeling in the new year air. It’s either full of promise or laden with doom. I can’t tell which. I don’t like when new years are this ambiguous. Give it to me straight up. Tell me its going to suck or soar. That I’m going to be a lonely financial derelict or tell me I’m going to be a millionaire in love. I can take it. I really can. But don’t leave me in this limbo.
When you’re starting a job and you’re meeting new people and you have this big opportunity to forgo your past and be someone completely new, it confounds me. I can choose to be so many things. I can choose to be happy, always smily, I can choose to be grumpy intimidating, I can choose to be moody pms rani, I can choose to be silent wise word sayer, but I can never choose to be all of the above. That’s the catch. You have to have consistency in your attitude. Apparently, In a floor of 300 people, that’s the only way people will remember you by.
Ever get the feeling that you’re not an intelligent as you thought, or that the people around you don’t seem to realize how intelligent you really can be, given half the chance. Especially since the chances presented to you are in the form of long excel sheets with many confusing numbers and social situations with very famous people where you are mostly ignored because you tend to slink away intimidated into a corner and do not brazenly grab a vodka martini like your colleague here and make small talk with dusky A list actress about how beautifully her Jimmy Choos match her Moschino dress.
And even when you go upto Chief Assistant Director (a post even you looked down upon when you were on the other side of the film world) and he pretends like he cant hear you asking him about the shots blocked for the next days shoot because excuse me, you are a piddly looking woman in uncomfortable heels from Hill road and don’t seem to be the sort who even understands cinema. So how do you tell him that hello! Not only do you understand cinema, you..you, you are cinema dammit. You worked on five films yourself, And oh look, you were intelligent enough to quickly switch to corporate cinema, because that’s the wisest thing to do right? And atleast you’re not 45 and corpulent and chewing Rajniganda and running behind a crotch scratching director in his second hand Pajero. How do you insinuate the depth of your Kafka reading, Issabella Huppert in The Piano Teacher loving, blog writing mind to this imbecile? How you wish you were both 8 years old and standing in the middle of your school playground and you were holding him by his collar and warning him “Listen to me men bugger, I’ll kolt you and belt you ra four eyes bugger, so much maccha your pop also wont recognize you”. But no, we are 25 and he is 45 and he is male and I am female and he thinks I’m a dumbass and I hate his guts and life isn’t very fair most of these adult times.
Sigh. No. It isn’t an easy start to the year is it?
I tried to review the past year and came up with one conclusion – it was better than 2006. See when 2006 consisted largely of a broken miserable heart, a painful appendectomy, a bad career move and an empty house, any other year looks glorious in comparison. But 2007 was nice. I had started enjoying the job and left it at an opportune moment and in good faith (I hope?), I made one bad relationship move but quickly recovered my senses to get out of it unscathed, though the universe didn’t conspire to set me up for love, it did to set me up for the next best thing – good company in the avatar of my inimitable flatmates, and the greatest news yet that I am to become an aunt! (aunty math kaho naaa!!)
The last week of 2007 has been most special, with friends from Bangalore who came over to spend new years with me (though the 1700 I owe some other friends for passes to the red light lounge party that I never attended is something I will regret throughout 2008), and how without alcohol or clubbing or (sigh) sex, you can still have a great time sitting in a newly refurbished Prithvi Café, sipping on cutting chai and watching the world go by, cracking inane kannada jokes. Thumba Thanks!