We are lonely, ill, cold and stuck in a hotel room the past two days. This hotel sucks. It doesn’t even have personality like the great Hamilton. Lead actress in a bid to get on my good side has offered for me to share her room with her at the Shangrila. She says we can have fun together. I ran out of her vanity van at the very suggestion. The woman says ‘maine theatres kiya hai’ for crying out loud. Plus I’m so man deprived here I’m scared I’ll turn lesbo or something. Infact I thought about turning Lesbian in great detail over the past few days. Especially this morning after ANOTHER friend of mine called me say she was getting married and had found true love in a man in under 24 hours. It confounds me. Am I doing something wrong? Do I not have enough drive to want to be married or is the universe just throwing me curve balls with every new man I bone? Anyway back to the point, see I do find some women supremely attractive, physically I really like breasts, I don’t know if want to touch them so much, but I do like looking at them a lot, then emotionally it’s a greater connect, you know how there are some women who pull you to them, who have this natural magnetism that attracts both men and women to them, where you want to be around them all the time, listen to them talk, watch their every facial movement minutely, maybe even fall in love with them. I’ve realized I go through phases where I spend intensely long amounts of time with certain women when they come into my life and do tend to get addicted to them. Then I realized that if she has a better body than me I’ll eventually start hating her and if she’s a fatty then I wont want to see much of her because I’m very shallow that way and like being around attractive people. Then the clincher was that I don’t think I fancy eating pussy all that much. Not that I think its gross or anything. Just not a turn on.
Tsk. Delhi without a big gang or a romantic indulgence is proving to be burdensome. D freaks out at the very thought of either of us catching an auto post 7 pm alone so since I’ve been here, there have been very expensive cab rides (like 100 bucks to get from GK 1 to Kalkaji that took a grand total of 4 minutes to cover) or just the whole irritation of if she hangs at my hotel then who will drop her and likewise if I hang in her house who will drop me. Such a shame. It doesn’t help when both D & R regale me with stories of women getting picked up and raped at 11 in the morning or D’s friend’s mother who got murdered by her driver because she shouted at him for driving rashly. Speaking of rash driving the drive back from Manali is an entire post in itself, but see as I’m as lazy as I usually am let me tell you it only took SIXTEEN GRUELLING HOURS. Even though driving past the Beas offered some of the most fucking gorgeous views I have ever seen, the highway bit was mental. While the 3 others traveling in the Innova with me were fast asleep and I tried to get the driver to slow down he starts to narrate this story to me of how his Bhagwan told him this morning ‘ki kuch nahin hoga tumhe dooth’ and so he is certain that we will not have an accident. After this confident revelation he even tells me stories of Godly visitations and how ‘main bachpan mein hanuman bhagwan ke godh mein khelta tha’. Then just to make the ride more interesting, its 2 am and I feel like I am going to die if I don’t get to lie down in the next five minutes, we get stuck at the fucking Delhi bypass (somewhere Rohini side) and we are stuck there for TWO GODDAMN HOURS and I reach Kalkaji at 4 am and wake up a painfully sleepy R, because D is the sort of person who will promise to wake up and then be dead to the world.
But Delhi has thankfully been busier than Manali. It’s been fun hanging on set all over again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Its really like a drug, filmmaking is. It’s that insanely busy, don’t have time to think, running around, feeling worthwhile sort of energy on a film set that’s so addictive. And most of my friends say I’ve chosen the right route. That I get to be on set without having to deal with the uncertainty of this world in general. And though I’m not so sure about that, It does sound nice.
Nothing can quite compare to a film shooting outdoors though. Its it’s own little minute universe. You know like those nudie colony’s America had in the mid seventies? Pretty similar to that. Everyone on a film set is stripped of all pretension and oh yes, horny as hell. Outdoor shoots seem to unleash the id in mankind, it’s no holds barred, no strings attached, don’t look my way tomorrow on set after tonight. So all those rumours you read about in the tabloids, you know the Priyanka boned Akshay boned Katrina, boned Vikram boned Shriya boned Shakti Kapoor (yuck) ALL TRUE.
Then finally in other final and most despondent news. Whilst I have been drooling over the most handsome men I have seen in a long while in my life, and gosh do they look smart in their winter wear, as I drooled over some cuties in Tabula Rasa a couple of nights back (not you Chitgo), R leaned in closely and let out Delhi’s oldest secret.
‘MKTG’ he said.
’Eh?’ I screamed.
‘Munh khola toh Gutter’ R said sadly looking away, as I sullenly picked up my coat ready to leave. Sigh.