Thursday, February 7, 2008

DELHI - A Bore

We are lonely, ill, cold and stuck in a hotel room the past two days. This hotel sucks. It doesn’t even have personality like the great Hamilton. Lead actress in a bid to get on my good side has offered for me to share her room with her at the Shangrila. She says we can have fun together. I ran out of her vanity van at the very suggestion. The woman says ‘maine theatres kiya hai’ for crying out loud. Plus I’m so man deprived here I’m scared I’ll turn lesbo or something. Infact I thought about turning Lesbian in great detail over the past few days. Especially this morning after ANOTHER friend of mine called me say she was getting married and had found true love in a man in under 24 hours. It confounds me. Am I doing something wrong? Do I not have enough drive to want to be married or is the universe just throwing me curve balls with every new man I bone? Anyway back to the point, see I do find some women supremely attractive, physically I really like breasts, I don’t know if want to touch them so much, but I do like looking at them a lot, then emotionally it’s a greater connect, you know how there are some women who pull you to them, who have this natural magnetism that attracts both men and women to them, where you want to be around them all the time, listen to them talk, watch their every facial movement minutely, maybe even fall in love with them. I’ve realized I go through phases where I spend intensely long amounts of time with certain women when they come into my life and do tend to get addicted to them. Then I realized that if she has a better body than me I’ll eventually start hating her and if she’s a fatty then I wont want to see much of her because I’m very shallow that way and like being around attractive people. Then the clincher was that I don’t think I fancy eating pussy all that much. Not that I think its gross or anything. Just not a turn on.

Tsk. Delhi without a big gang or a romantic indulgence is proving to be burdensome. D freaks out at the very thought of either of us catching an auto post 7 pm alone so since I’ve been here, there have been very expensive cab rides (like 100 bucks to get from GK 1 to Kalkaji that took a grand total of 4 minutes to cover) or just the whole irritation of if she hangs at my hotel then who will drop her and likewise if I hang in her house who will drop me. Such a shame. It doesn’t help when both D & R regale me with stories of women getting picked up and raped at 11 in the morning or D’s friend’s mother who got murdered by her driver because she shouted at him for driving rashly. Speaking of rash driving the drive back from Manali is an entire post in itself, but see as I’m as lazy as I usually am let me tell you it only took SIXTEEN GRUELLING HOURS. Even though driving past the Beas offered some of the most fucking gorgeous views I have ever seen, the highway bit was mental. While the 3 others traveling in the Innova with me were fast asleep and I tried to get the driver to slow down he starts to narrate this story to me of how his Bhagwan told him this morning ‘ki kuch nahin hoga tumhe dooth’ and so he is certain that we will not have an accident. After this confident revelation he even tells me stories of Godly visitations and how ‘main bachpan mein hanuman bhagwan ke godh mein khelta tha’. Then just to make the ride more interesting, its 2 am and I feel like I am going to die if I don’t get to lie down in the next five minutes, we get stuck at the fucking Delhi bypass (somewhere Rohini side) and we are stuck there for TWO GODDAMN HOURS and I reach Kalkaji at 4 am and wake up a painfully sleepy R, because D is the sort of person who will promise to wake up and then be dead to the world.

But Delhi has thankfully been busier than Manali. It’s been fun hanging on set all over again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Its really like a drug, filmmaking is. It’s that insanely busy, don’t have time to think, running around, feeling worthwhile sort of energy on a film set that’s so addictive. And most of my friends say I’ve chosen the right route. That I get to be on set without having to deal with the uncertainty of this world in general. And though I’m not so sure about that, It does sound nice.

Nothing can quite compare to a film shooting outdoors though. Its it’s own little minute universe. You know like those nudie colony’s America had in the mid seventies? Pretty similar to that. Everyone on a film set is stripped of all pretension and oh yes, horny as hell. Outdoor shoots seem to unleash the id in mankind, it’s no holds barred, no strings attached, don’t look my way tomorrow on set after tonight. So all those rumours you read about in the tabloids, you know the Priyanka boned Akshay boned Katrina, boned Vikram boned Shriya boned Shakti Kapoor (yuck) ALL TRUE.

Then finally in other final and most despondent news. Whilst I have been drooling over the most handsome men I have seen in a long while in my life, and gosh do they look smart in their winter wear, as I drooled over some cuties in Tabula Rasa a couple of nights back (not you Chitgo), R leaned in closely and let out Delhi’s oldest secret.

MKTG’ he said.

’Eh?’ I screamed.

‘Munh khola toh Gutter’ R said sadly looking away, as I sullenly picked up my coat ready to leave. Sigh.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

the ode followed by the bore ah? haha i knew that would happen sooner then later. Our capital sucks with a capital S!

Anonymous said...

Delhi isnt all that unsafe.
I do travel alone by auto till 11pm or so....
And if ur staying in GK its pretty safe.....

Pinochyo said...

Strange you should talk about outdoor shoots...I spent a good chunk of yesterday tryin to find a cozy corner in the banks of the Powai lake to doze off… (Occupational hazard of downing half a litre of Absolut 100 and re-watching Closer till 5 am the night before is that you & ur head feel like a 20 day old mango in the morning, while the chairman and your clients are schmoozing over canapés and single malt) So I generally wander towards the shore which is when my co-wanderer points to a HUNDRED suited men & women, who all look like they stepped off a ramp!!

We dig deeper and are informed that MB is shooting his new movie about what else..the FASHION industry ( I’ll leave out names eh..? what if you lose your job n blame me for it?) and that the chick with the Epic butt in the shimmery dress is our friend Priyanka, of the boning akshay fame..:-) Say what you want, but god (or the plastic surgeon) did put his heart and soul into making this oneJ

Wearing suits as we were, we were summoned about 3 times by various ADs, (actually they said “Abe laude jaldi aao, shot ready hai”) After having told the large-eared chap who came the 3rd time what I thought about his lineage., I was left to repose in peace. (Co-wanderer had wandered back into the seminar by now) but MB with the mega-phone was just not in a mood to shut his trap and was going on like that battery ad…

That’s when I chanced upon this young lady who was beckoning this beady-eyed gawky youth to her cozy corner by the lake (we are in between shots now) The lady in question had the undecided-between-the-cheap blond-dye-and- sad-natural-colour hair n shiny cheap black gown which the costumewallah gave…which just put her her a step higher than the fashion stree-OSO kapda clad boy ( he looked like a stage-hand types, if there is something like that)

About thirty seconds of deep platonic deliberation ensued, at the end of which, the woman just SHOVED the boy’s hands into her shirt…Just like that! From the complete lack of enthusiasm on the faces of the concerned parties, I assume it was kinda de rigueur..you know like “ Ah, shot ho gaya? Ha. Abhi Kitna time hai next shot ke liye? 20 minute. “To chalo, grab my boobs”…kinda thing. She didnt even looked marginally pleased with the outcome!!)

Anyways, this was the point where my phone went berserk, and before the suits came to kill me, I just slunk off back to the last row…

God, that’s a long comment..! when’re you back from Delhi?

Indian Rose Fashionista said...

I always thought the rumours were just rumours....created by the tabloids just to sell more papers.

So does the casting couch really exist? i.e who you screw depends on how far you get?

Coo said...

@anon 1 - well i havent entirely given up hope. but yes its starting to bore me.

@anon2 -yessah? ok i will be more confident from now on, also im told that if you are all aggressive and not timid types, they dont touch you.

@pinochyo- who is this shoving hand up skirt person??? i must find out. yes that unit is pretty horny as it is so im not surprised.But i need more information - this lady in question, was she young or old? curly hair or straight hair? please to be telling!

@Indian Rose - No the casting couch surprisingly dosent really exist anymore, its almost like an urban legend infact. But widespread random bonking to widen ones network is the in thing. For eg if Akshay has big blockbuster type home production, he will cast Priyanka immediately no? likkethat!

Dental Mental said...

oh wow!!
that's something else

Delhi Hater said...

MKTG! haha thats hilarious.. such a good one for Delhi men

Pinochyo said...

ah ah..shirt, not skirt.

And yeah..youngish...

And how would you know THAT unit? I'm guessing you dont work on that movie..

siropdevanille said...

Wow! The world is such a small place... Does this shoot involve one of the Deol brothers? Cause a friend of mine went to Manali too and saw Snow :)

Also, love the Ode to my favourite city! which can be quite a bore... at times! But you should have gone exploring the city... the food, the Forts and Tombs and... CP! You should! CP is gorgeous in winters!

Coo said...

@pinochyo - yes thats not my movie but main hoon sab jaante vaali...

@sirop de vanille - umm yeeaasss, it has a deol brother, who is your friend i say? if you dont want to give names, gimme descriptions!

siropdevanille said...

Hehe! Her first assignment ever - costume. She's insane and has the warmest smile in the world. Hehe! We call her Snowflake now... KB - initials. Wow. This world is tiny! I think she gave me a description of you ;)

siropdevanille said...

and Fack! I know Chitgo also... there can't be many Chitgos in this world now can there?!

Kismet said...

funny.. very funny.. there are secret, lighter parts of this dark city.. mail me..

Pinochyo said...

There she goessss...There she goess again...

P.S.Did you know a great deal of women on this state kiss other women on the lips and smack their butts as a matter of daily course..??

Coo said...

@siropdevanille - ah yes i know who you talking about!! yes she is a darling! and yes there is most possibly only one chitgo not to mention his famous cousin sister -that beauty pageant winner!

@kismet - there is huh? tell me tell me on gimungous@yahoo.com

@pinochyo - wtf? where do women do that?!