Saturday, April 19, 2008

Hey..Ja Ja Jaded

I feel jaded. Like I’ve lost the capacity to love. No. Capacity is the wrong word. Inclination, Interest. Yes, those two words sum it up well. Love alone is also too strong a word at this time. I’ve just lost the interest to want to be in love I guess. I’ve stopped thinking about it almost completely. Which is really scary because I’ve spent most of my life wanting to be with a man. Wanting to be loved and to love someone. Wanting a core shaker. Wanting fireworks. And suddenly none of that matters. It would have been fine to feel this way if say, something else had taken precedence. Like a blazing career or a needy family. But nothing else has. I still crave sex. I still have random crushes on random men. I still want to party and dress up for the men and have them hit on me. But the want or more so the need to be with a man. or scarily and most parochially enough, to have someone to complete me, has vanished.

They say its age. They say it comes from being single for too long. They say it comes from being in too many bad relationships. They say it’s the beginning of the 30 something singleton syndrome. Then I scream at them and say that I’m still fucking 25. To which they retort and say that 25 is the new 30. That at 25, I’ve been working for 5 years and have been with more than 5 men and that makes my 25 of today the 30 of when Sex and the City started airing.

And then I realize that this is probably true. That five years of being in a city that makes you feel deceptively full. Five years of loving men that only left you. Five years of following my bollywood dream is no more different than being 35, single in Manhattan and walking in your Manolo’s to brunch.

12 comments:

La vida Loca said...

complete u??? never thought i'd hear u say that!

mistercrowley said...

"25 is the new 30"

What ra, that means mera number gaya...

Bugger.

indian rose fashionista said...

No way is 25 the new 30!

I refuse to accept that statement.

nidhi said...

ill complete u coooooooooooo...gimme a chance...i lurveeeeeee u...growl....

Sav said...

25 is the new 30?

*severe depression kicks in*

Thanks...

Pinochyo said...

If 25 if the new 30 we wonder what 298-29 is the new...:(

Ghettoo!! I like. Especially the pooltable there..You'll meet everyone from sharps to the numbskulls..& everyone becomes tom cruise after the 3rd drink..

Coo said...

@ Everyone - Yikes and yowzaa! i know i know. i refuse to accept that as well. but it did make me think. it did make me wonder if we've complicated our lives enough to never see it simply ever again. and that that age bracket is getting younger and younger. that we want more faster. we expect more faster. that we've started devouring life instead of eating it. That when our mummy's said 'get married before you get too set in your ways' they werent kidding. And maybe i just realised that. I just realised that i wont compromise. not for anyone. and while thats a good thing. the ignorance is bliss bit suddenly dosent sound so bad either...yeesh
And if it helps have you noticed that errr.. 30 is the new 20!!!

@ nidhi - err many thanks nids. i knew i could count on you.

Devta said...

30 is the new 20 huh?

good save good save. lol.

actually thats more true than anything innit? i definitely feel younger at 30 than i did at 25. dont worry 25 is like that.. its a fucked up quarter life crisis. then when you realise and accept the coming of age you say 'fuck it' and have a ball. :)

siropdevanille said...

hehe! 25, 30, 20 BLAH! I feel OLD.

Now I'm being all Steve Tyler like and singing and pouting! Also, I wish I could say something beautiful and make sure you get out of this mode... but all I have to say is... it'll all come back to you for the right person. Eeyuchkk right? I actually believe that sometimes the right moment with the right person cures you...! And you should too! You're in Bollywood :P

Anonymous said...

this is why you should have married me when you had the chance

Coo said...

@devta - umm. i hope thats how it progresses. Aapne aasha ki lao jalaya hai and all that.

@ Sirop - Mr right Mr right calling Mr Right. Mr Right Mr Right Wake up now. Get up now. (err to be sung to the tune of Dr Jones Dr Jones. remember that song?)

@ Anon - err if you are an ex, pick up the phone and call and say these mindless things. if you are a joker person, have some pity for old women like me.

still ink stained said...

Im there to, hitting 30 at 25 :) zero present relationship, and zero desire for one. I still see myself married some day. Strange paradox, aint it?