Sunday 9 PM :
Kunwari Akeli Ladki (KAL) is sitting in her living room watching Season Finale of Grey’s Anatomy. She has already seen till Season 5, through pirated DVD’s, but an opportunity to see for free like this on TV cannot be negated.
(Phone rings with Bangalore number flashing)
KAL picks up thinking it must be Jemima Sanjana or Giggles Sridhar calling from parental landlines
KAL : What man not watching Grey’s ah?
Strange Male Voice : Er Hallo, Hi My name is Mr Vishwanathan, are you the er.. the girl speaking?
KAL : Sorry?!! Excuse me?!! Who is this please?
SMV : Er.. my good name is Mr somethingsomething Vishwanathan, I’m calling regarding your profile posted by yuvar kind sister in Tamil matrimony please.
KAL : oh ok.. er.. yes.. tell me please
SMV : Actually you see, this is the boys father here and this is about my son, somethingsomething Vishwanathan Junior. Hehe hope you didn’t think I was the alliance hehe.
KAL : No Uncal, I certainly did not.
SMV : So can I tell you few things about my son.
KAL : (thinks) er..
SMV : (imperatively) so my son works at (insert pharmacy company name), he is senior somethingsomething manager, wheatish colour, very loving boy ma, medium height, what is yuwar height ma?
KAL : 5 ’10 uncal
SMV : ohh, (disappointed) but yuwar profile says you are 5 ‘4 ma..
KAL : oh sorry my sister lives far away, and I’ve grown up..
SMV : oh ..ok..my son is also close in height ma, should not be a problem. He just bought santro car actually, red colour, you see he was complaining very much about heat and dust in Bombay..
KAL : so he is in Bombay
SMV : yes ma, that’s why I’m calling you..
KAL : er..may I ask how old he is please?
SMV : (long pause) .. he is er… 1970 born ma..
KAL : (longer pause while calculating, ridiculous at math and gives up soon) ok ok er, Uncal by the way can I please ask how you got my number? Did my sister give it to you?
SMV : no ma, it is on site wonly ma..
KAL : on the site! Are you sure uncal? Is my photo also there?
SMV : no ma, I’ve sent photo request, but this number is listed ma..
KAL : oh ok (make mental note to lynch sister)
SMV : so will you tell me few things about yuwarself ma?
KAL : like what
SMV : what does your father do ma?
KAL : I thought you asking me about me uncal..
SMV : same thing no ma..
KAL : er.. no uncal
SMV : oh ok, but he is alive no ma..
KAL : yes he is, but my parents aren’t together.
SMV : (supremely disappointed) oh ho.. tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk. Very sad ma, very sad. But its ok ma, so it’s only you and your sister va?
KAL : umm yes
SMV : and yuwar sister is married no?
KAl : yes
SMV : oh you are having a house in Bangalore?
KAL : yes.
SMV : house or apartment ma?
KAL : err, how is this relevant uncal..
SMV : sorry ma..means
KAL : why are you asking me all this?
SMV : just asking ma, its good to know about the family no ma..
KAL (controlling self), maybe its better if the boy and girl know each other first don’t you think Uncal..
SMV : so will you speak to my son ma, I can ask him to call you in ten minutes…
KAL : er.. uncal actually im practically dying with viral fever right now (this was true), please ask him to call next week. (make second mental note not to pick up unrecognized numbers)
SMV : (extremely disappointed) ohhh, ok ma, you are sick ah. Sorry for inconvenience ma. He will call next week ma. Please don’t forget, his name is somethingsomething Vishwanathan. Ok ma?
KAL : I eagerly await his call uncal.
SMV : ok ma, tata.