Friday, January 16, 2009

Where I crawl out of the corporate woodwork

Sorry, that’s a sucky title and as you keep reading you will notice that I present herewith some very sucky writing as well, for which I apologise in advance.

This year has opened like a mixed bag. Some say I’m fat. Some say I’m thin. Some are saying the new hairstyles awesome. Some sigh and say I’ve lost the only thing that worked for me. One minute I absolutely abhor my job and want to run away and the next I have no inclination of ever moving out of my cubicle. One second some interested male parties are all over me and the next second they disappear for long long spells. Oh well.

On New Years I was awake and alone in a large house (whilst my family slept) watching fireworks in the Singapore night sky and listening for some annoying reason to strains of ‘Desi Girl’ from ‘Dostana’ streaming in from the apartment opposite. Which brings me to the trip itself, which was – Mellow. Imagine that. Imagine a city, that is so comfortable and user friendly it almost seems right out of the Truman show. I wondered if the director would pop out from behind the shop houses and call cut any minute. Perfectly. Orchestrated. Life.

Then there was family, and surprisingly again – Mellow! No unnecessary nagging, no fights. Just early mornings taking my adorable nephew out in his pram, afternoons walking around the city with my sister visiting Museums and general site seeing type places and evenings spent chatting at home or watching E! (exclamation point!).

Which brings me to E!, the Entertainment Network, what can I say about this brilliant channel. I think I can watch it for as long as I live. I watched mindlessly for hours inanities like ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ and ‘Living Lohan’ and my all time favourite ‘Kimora – Life in the Fab lane’, not to forget ‘Celebrities in Crisis’ and ‘E Investigates’. That Ryan Seacrest needs to be made supreme ruler of all mankind.

While in Singaland I also decided to take time off to think very deeply about what I wanted for this New Year And came up with this rather random but inspiring list:

- want to live in foreign for at least a year
- want to get married before I turn 30
- want to be size zero at least once in life
- want to spend this year being mindlessly debauched to make up for saintly behavior past year
- want to learn to drive
- want to go to deep end of swimming pool at least once
- want to remove ALL traces of ex’es from life
- want to have lots and lots of good sex and some bad sex, (only so that I appreciate the good sex more).
- Also want Romance. Like much, where are you sweety, my cutie type, but also much horny night time passionate messaging each other type romance.

In the last two weeks, my movement’s towards some of these goals have been - (in order from above list):

- Applying for University Grant for study abroad (tentatively the year 2010)
- Meeting first matrimonial candidate in Singapore. It was very pleasant and seemed successful and has made me not puke about meeting such alliances.
- Have procured GNC Live Well’s ‘Green Tea Tablets’ for increased Metabolism. One bottle costs the earth but lasts 2 months. Also I will periodically starve and ensure size zero-ness. I‘m surprisingly determined in these areas.
- Have started with bottle of Absinth brought generously by P’s brother from the Czech Republic and booking place at bar counter at ‘Firangi Pani’ Monday and Wednesday nights when its free for women (nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah)
- Will sign up with Ajanta Driving School, Four Bungalows.
- Will sign up at local pool again and try not to be petrified of ‘Mahesh’ the instructor from hell.
- Sent ‘Hey how are you, I’m getting married’ email to 2 ex’es that still attempt to contact me. Neither has replied till now which I take as a good sign. But their silence is making me miss them suddenly. Of course, that is my own neurosis, that I’ll henceforth deal with.
- Have identified 2 men for the sexy time. One that seems like good sex. You know what they say – big hands, BIG HANDS. And one that is the over-eager, I’m a cat in the sack constant boasting type, the type I know through pure experience are the most horrid ever. Whether they are willing candidates or not is left to be seen..
- Have drafted passionate - horny text message which is lying in draft box in my phone - “I only want your tongue. Deep in my mouth. In conversation with my tongue”. See half the game won there!

I also made many epiphany like discoveries about men and relationships and the like that I shall not spill here as I’m writing like a retard right now. So that’s for later.

Also just realized that text message line above is pretty hot huh? Don’t rob it.

Ok bye.


Your Sistah said...

The writing flowed easy and honest this time. Not at all 'sucky' - there's no need for bombastiness always you know.
But.... that's just low-brow me.

Your 2009 resolutions sound good. I only disapprove of the size-zero (surprised it isn't sexy-time? hell everyone needs sexy-time overload every once in a while).

Also, you had me fooled - I thought you had a great time in the 'pore..? 'Mellow' is a surprising, but acceptable descriptor.

All the best for the '09 thangachi. I hope too that a great guy walks into your life soon.


La vida Loca said...

Nice list..hope they all blossom well.
I agree w/ ur Akka... the weight loss thing...yeah you have crossed over to downright dangerous.

Coo's Akka pls keep an eye on her(not that I need to tell u that :P)

Have great '09

h said...

At last she has spoken! Was beginning to wonder what happened to you. Please be writing and not disappearing. Txt msg is more than hot. Good luck with the list....and happy new year to you.

AlwaysHappyKya said...

Haven't seen a more honest post on this blog .And Hey, FYI, don't agree with 'writing like a retard' part. You were actually better :)

Everything on 2009 list is totally achievable girl, especially for the determined types like you.

Only thing that needs a shot of luck and destiny(?) is the marriage thingy. BESTEST wishes for that one. May 'the one' come your way soon.

Mister Crowley said...

I sometimes wonder why I never get these tongue vs. tongue text messages...even from a wrong number.


siropdevanille said...

Haha! Awesome message! Haha! Very hot.

Ummm size zero. NOT. Yuck yuck. Me no likey.

El said...

your writing is perfectly fine, and this post almost seemed therapeutic (for you that is)

driving is easy peasy, but if you can avoid it, do, trust me, cause once you've learnt, you'll be everyone's errand girl and designated driver type when friends are rethink the learning bit :)

chitgo said...


I'm doing some awesome things this year as well - including being off alcohol, cigarettes and non-vegetarian food for 4 months.

wait- thats just insane.

oh well - its a thin line between awesome and insane.

all the best with your horny smsing and other 2009 'must-haves'. I sincerely hope you get them all - and more sincerely hope this blog gets an update of when and how they happen :)

selfish ba@#%rds the lot of us.

Coo said...

@ akka - tanks for well wishes
@ LVL - but must try atleast once no!
@ H - thanks, happy to you too
@ AHK - again, thanks for the ashirwads
@ Crowley - aiyo paapa. why dont u send i say. ill give you permission to copy. send it off to garlfrand
@ SDV - why yuck i say. that kareena looks yum or not?
@ El - hmm you are right..also its a great excuse not to have to get up at 7 am for driving lessons
@ The Vain one - yes yes i am reading your blog regularly, not commenting but reading, congrats for the brahmin behaivour i say! and thanks for blessings!