Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Long Post with many unconnected snippets.

Ok so I cheated last time and put poem instead of post. I’ll do that sometimes. I have this big bank of poems that I randomly pick from when I have nothing to say. Trouble is when, some 3 - 4 weeks later, I still have nothing to report. Sad this.

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Blogging is fully dying. Infact have you noticed that most bloggers have slowed down in general. None of the blogs that I regularly read have updated regularly in the past 6 odd months. Maybe the world is slowing getting bored of itself. Getting bored of hearing the voice in its head. Getting bored of its own damn neurosis.

Even my thoughts are seemingly incoherent as I write this. Nothing is topical suddenly. There are just snippets. Little cut away’s. Little moments of clarity before you get washed over with your life drugged haze.

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In a recent conversation with a friend I realized that I would make the ultimate power lesbian.. Remember that phrase, made rather famous by one Candace Bushnell? I could very well be your in-command, much wanted lesbian playgirl. It was a well arrived at deduction and probably a move that I should give much thought to considering how my heterosexual love life seems to be faring.

Later that day, an old friend of mine who I divulged this epiphany to seemed to be grudgingly in agreement. He didn’t want me to turn Lesbian he said, but I had what it takes is what he realized, and nodded rather sagely. With men I had always groveled. Elevated them to divinity and prayed by their feet. But, with women, I had always, always had a female fan following. At any given point in my life there was always a doting female friend attached to my hip. These female friends changed rather often. Mostly because I would grow tired of them, wanting variety and slowly but surely push them away.

And then again in the last year or so, three women have hit on me, which far exceeds the number of men who have which is erm… none.

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Ok, maybe this is happening to a few of us late in the day, or we’re plain dumb, but what is with the incidence of ONLY MARRIED men hitting on us mid twenty year olds? Of course we are also stupid, because we tend to assume that ‘oh he’s married, its ok if he drops me home’ or ‘Hmmm he’s being little over-friendly, but he’s married no, maybe I’m imagining it’, and so our bullshit detecting radars never go up, till its too late and the ‘married’ man in question has made his ugly move. Usually by saying lame things like ‘My wife and I … we don’t have any chemistry anymore’ or ‘I’m so lonely, Sheela’s so busy with the kids all the time, I wish I had someone special… like you’ or then most stupidly, after dropping you home saying ‘can I kiss you’. Wtf?!! No you can’t fucker.

( * All true incidents by the way)

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I finally saw Kubricks ‘Shining’. Now this movie has always been one of those Joey moments for me, where I stand aside and nod very vigorously about how amazing the movie is and sometimes I’ve even very smartly substantiated my vigorous head bobbing with ‘oh my god, that scene where the blood flows out of the elevator…fuck, cinematic brilliance dude’. And the recipient of my articulate reply would very contently head bob along with me.

Of course, that had been the only visual of the film I’d ever seen. Till now. Will people kill me now if I review the movie by saying ‘Yaaa, it’s ok yaa, I don’t see the fuss’. I’m ducking.

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A survey in the Uk has shown that in the year 2008, the male urge to have sex has decreased by 15%. This means an overall average decrease of 40% since the last decade. Imagine that. ‘Men are refusing sex more than usual’ the surveyor quotes. I had predicted this in a post sometime last year. I’d even called it ‘An inconvenient truth’. It’s now ratified women! Ratified. We are officially in trouble.

Suddenly adopting sexual preference mentioned in snippet number two is seeming like harsh reality. Sigh.

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I’d always wanted a male gay friend. In fact, I think almost all women want this. We have female like company for all our shopping, movie going, gossiping, honest opinion (read lying) about how we really look, taking out to functions when we don’t have a date needs and visually we see a man! Not unlike a vibrator. It does it’s job, but it’s not the real thing.

But now I think I’ve collected too many. And such queens. I mean I love them, but it gets ridiculously pitchy sometimes.

Then while only 2 of them are completely open and I can bug them about boys they like or we can lech at men together, with most of them I simply haven’t managed to have the ‘I like boys and so do you' conversation. It’s sort of assumed, but its very big pink elephant in the roomish. Only one confessed to me when he was very drunk and then I haven’t had the courage or the opportunity to bring up the subject again.

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It has come to my notice that almost all men have very good erotica storytelling and phone sex skills. No matter how bad their vocabulary or how vernac they are or how otherwise the only conversation they can hold is about the stock market. They are good at this. It is in-built mechanism. Not unlike instinctual stalking and killing skill most predators have.

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I went for celebrity pahtey few days ago and saw John Abraham and when I was introduced to him, instead of saying my name I said ‘Hi, I’m _(insert company name)__’.
Then I realized my mistake and started mumbling some shit to cover up, but luckily music was very loud and I slinked away. I am so clearly not meant for this business.

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More updates as subjects warrant interest. Till then. Dhanyavaad. Shabba khair.

9 comments:

La vida Loca said...

yes, yes more please. Bring back the celeb dirrty deets quiz. That was fun. And hows the resolutions going on?

Anonymous said...

Tip: When being introduced to male bollywood, go something like this: "Forget my name, here's my numbah daaaaahling!". I think you will bear many fruits with that line :P

Mister Crowley said...

‘My wife and I … we don’t have any chemistry anymore’

I got that line once from some random woman I met at a bar (of course, it was more on the lines of 'My boyfriend and I don't have chemistry anymore')...to which I replied, "Get a fucking dog..'

Ok, so I was drunk.

Anonymous said...

"Maybe the world is slowly getting bored of itself. Getting bored of hearing the voice in its head. Getting bored of its own damn neurosis"

you hit the nail on the head babe.

Sirop said...

Everyone's bored. Everyone needs sex.

People should just stop beating around the bush (mwahahaa!)!

Coo said...

@ LVV - oh yeah resolutions. the only thing i'm managing to lose is the weights!

@Anon - im jotting thy quick tip down in my handy pocket book.

@Crowley - ushuuu even womens are saying these things!? or were you drunk enough to have imagined the entire thing.

@ Anon - ah dhanks dhanks

@ syrop - lol. I agree!

Anonymous said...

I've definitely thought about what kind of girls I would hit on if I were lesbian- the goris and the desis.. is it just me or tell me there are other straight girls wondering these things? Also,,, what is you find your "soul mate" in a girl instead of a guy but then both you and the "soul mate" know you just cant manage to convert to lesbianism? Lol I wonder what the boys in that relationship feel like? I'm guessing disposable... hehheheheh evil thoughts...

Cyclops said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyclops said...

"Wtf?!! No you can’t fucker." Cracks me up like hell. And you’re right, "The Shining" is indeed wayyy too overrated, just because it has 'Stanley Kubrick' attached to it. Too much of this-looks-good-although-it-makes-no-sense-but-what-the-heck-its-cool. Redrum.